Family Secret Santa
A family Secret Santa means everyone buys one good gift instead of a pile of small ones, which saves money, time and stress. Here’s how to set one up for a family with kids, teenagers and grandparents: who to keep apart, how to set budgets, a kids’ version, and what to do when relatives live far away.
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Why families switch to Secret Santa
In a big family, buying for every aunt, cousin and sibling adds up quickly. With Secret Santa, each person draws one name and buys one gift. Everyone still opens something, but each person shops once, can spend a bit more thought on it, and nobody feels they have to match what others spent.
It also helps when households have very different budgets. One agreed limit means a student, a young family and a grandparent can all take part on equal terms.
How to set it up
- Decide who’s in. Everyone, adults only, or adults plus a separate kids’ draw (see below). Ask quietly whether anyone would rather sit it out.
- Agree the budget. One limit for adults, and a lower one for children if they buy too. Choose an amount the person with the tightest budget is happy with.
- Set the exclusions. Couples usually shouldn’t draw each other, and many families keep people from drawing someone in their own household. In the generator, open Details next to a name to set a partner or tick anyone they shouldn’t buy for.
- Collect wish lists. A few ideas from each person make shopping much easier. Send everyone the Secret Santa questionnaire or add a short wish list in the generator.
- Draw names and send links. Each person gets a private link by text, WhatsApp or email and sees only their own name. Print results for anyone who doesn’t use a phone.
- Set the date. Usually the day the family meets. If anyone is posting a gift, set a posting deadline too.
Who to keep apart
Exclusions stop the draw from producing pairs that wouldn’t feel like a surprise, or that would leave one household doing all the giving to itself.
| Situation | Typical rule |
|---|---|
| Couples | Partners can’t draw each other; they already buy for each other |
| Same household | Nobody draws someone they live with, so gifts travel between households |
| Parents and young children | A parent doesn’t draw their own young child, or the child’s gift stops being a surprise |
| Last year’s pairs | Optional: avoid repeating the same giver and receiver two years running |
| Siblings | Optional: some families mix siblings across branches of the family |
Too many exclusions can make a draw impossible, especially in small groups. If the generator says your rules make a draw impossible, remove one optional rule and try again.
Budgets for different ages
There’s no right amount; what matters is that everyone knows the limit and can afford it. Many families use one of these patterns:
| Pattern | How it works | Good for |
|---|---|---|
| One limit for everyone | Adults and kids all spend up to the same amount | Simple, small families |
| Two limits | A lower limit for children and teens, a higher one for adults | Families with young kids |
| Kids make, adults buy | Children make a card, drawing or baked treat; adults buy | Very young children |
| Paid by parents | Parents cover their children’s gifts within the kids’ limit | Kids who can’t shop alone |
Write the amount (and whether postage counts) in the invitation, so nobody guesses. For ideas at different budgets, see gifts under $10, gifts under $30 and gifts under $50.
The kids’ version
Many families run a separate draw just for the children, so kids buy (or make) a gift for another child, and adults buy for adults. It keeps budgets fair and makes the gifts age-appropriate. This section is written for the parents organizing it.
- Use a separate group for the children, with its own small budget
- A parent opens each young child’s link, or helps them draw a paper slip
- Keep wish lists to toys, books and hobbies; don’t put home addresses or other personal details in links
- Let children choose the gift with an adult, or make one: a drawing, a bracelet, cookies
- Agree how the reveal works so younger children don’t feel left out
- Skip steal games for little ones; losing a gift can upset them
For a family dinner, printable name slips drawn from a hat can be more fun for kids than a phone. Just remember that with a hat draw someone may draw their own name; put it back and draw again.
Grandparents and relatives far away
Not everyone in the family uses a smartphone. Open their link on your device and write their result on a printed card, or read it to them privately. Send the wish list of the person they drew on paper too.
For relatives in other cities or countries, the private links work anywhere. Agree an early posting date, or allow e-gifts, and open gifts together on a video call. The virtual Secret Santa guide covers this in more detail.
Ideas to make it special
- A theme: “something handmade”, “a book and a treat” or “cozy”.
- A family game: after Secret Santa, a Yankee Swap or one of our gift exchange games with small extra gifts.
- Guess the giver: everyone guesses their Secret Santa before the reveal.
- Same names next year: in the generator, duplicate last year’s group to keep names and exclusions, then draw again.
Organizer checklist
- Everyone asked privately whether they want to take part
- Budget (adults and kids) and postage rule written down
- Couples and households excluded
- Wish lists or questionnaires collected
- Names drawn and links sent; printed results for anyone without a phone
- Exchange date, and a posting date for anyone far away
- A spare gift or two, just in case
Frequently asked questions
How do you do Secret Santa with kids?
Keep it simple: a parent opens the child’s link or helps them draw a paper slip, the budget is small, and kids buy (or make) a gift with an adult’s help. Some families run a separate kids-only draw so children buy for each other and adults for adults.
How do we stop people drawing their own partner or household?
Use exclusions. In our generator, open Details next to a name and tick anyone that person shouldn’t buy for, such as everyone in their household. If you set someone’s partner, the partner is excluded automatically. The draw then only picks pairs that follow those rules.
What budget works for a family Secret Santa?
One that the person with the tightest budget is comfortable with. Families often choose a lower amount for children and teenagers than for adults, or a single amount that everyone, including grandparents, is happy with. Write it down so nobody guesses.
How do grandparents join if they don’t use smartphones?
Print their result. Draw names with the generator, open their link on your device, and write the name on a printed slip or card for them. Or print name slips for the whole family and draw from a hat at a family dinner.
Can relatives in other cities or countries join?
Yes. Send each person their link by text, WhatsApp or email. For gifts sent by post, agree a posting date early, and consider allowing e-gifts for relatives abroad.
When should a family reveal who had whom?
Whenever suits your family, but agree in advance. Many families reveal as each gift is opened; others keep it secret for good. Young children often enjoy guessing.
What if we have an odd number of people?
That’s fine. Secret Santa doesn’t need pairs: each person gives one gift and receives one gift, and the gifts form loops (Alex buys for Sam, Sam buys for Jo, Jo buys for Alex). Any group of 3 or more works, odd or even.
What if someone drops out after the draw?
The simplest fix keeps everyone else’s draw: the person who was buying for the drop-out now buys for whoever the drop-out had drawn. The organizer can look this up with “Show all pairs” and tell that one person privately. If several people drop out, or someone joins, it’s easier to remove or add them and draw again, then send everyone their new link.
Sources
- Merriam-Webster, “Secret Santa” (definition; first known use 1986): www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Secret%20Santa
Updated · Written by the GiftShuffle team